Hmmm. Mixed bag from me this week I am afraid.

On one hand, I have been increasing my running this week, the longest I did was 5.5k and I am loving how each week I can feel my progress towards that 10k in July. *eyes on the prize*

Conversely, my endo has been so bad this week there are days (like today) where I am sofa bound in agony, having to get help with my bubs.

Yesterday I was supermum, in Tescos for 8am, seeing friends for playdates, feeding ducks, playing in garden, being a normal, functioning mum. Today I can barely walk and am exhausted with pain.

I really want this to end.

So, what are my options? Well, drugs that put me into a false menopause which you can only take for 6 months as they affect your bone density and cause such horrific side effects. I have always said no to these…

A hysterectomy is one I am always tempted with – “just take it all OUT!!!” – you will often hear me shout when it becomes unbearable. Great, you might think, I have got twins now so its not about preserving fertility as I wanted to do in my 20′s, that was what kept me going through the pain, and I have my delicious daughters now. No, the problem with a full radical hysterectomy (ovaries n’all) is that it shocks the body into instant menopause, so you get all those symptoms in a way that is harsh and unnatural. Oh, and you take HRT to help with the sudden drop in hormone levels. HRT contains oestrogen, endometriosis is an oestrogen dominance problem. It causes flare ups. You get the idea…even THAT wont cure it.

So you see, there are few options. The mirena coil isn’t working for me. For many women it helps enormously, but the bloating, weight gain, MOOD SWINGS? WHAT MOOD SWINGS?, and the persitent pain despite it’s presence mean that for me, nope, not happening.

I really do believe the body can heal itself. I have read enough about nutrition, stress, diseases, raw food benefits, enzymes, and a raft of therapies that I KNOW what to do.

It’s just that doing it, in a real world, with pain and children to look after, is difficult. And also financially tricky. To buy lots of superfoods costs money we don’t have (and I am not spending it on anything else I can tell you. I rarely drink, go out, buy clothes etc). Treatments cost money we don’t have, and we really, really don’t.

I want to see if endo has gone anywhere else in my body too. My next appointment is in June (made in March), so these things are sloooow. We don’t have private healthcare as its an existing condition, so no benefits of being able to get seen ASAP and the range of scans and services available.

I would love to do a juice cleanse, but the realities of that whilst looking after little ones I am concerned about. To eat 100% raw is expensive, and it so shouldnt be. Eating organic is expensive. So, what is the answer? Mutilate my body with a hyst in the hope it helps because the natural way is out of reach?

There must be a way. Am trying to stay positive.