Hi lovely people who read my blog.
I have been away for a week (did you miss me?!) and it felt weird not writing on any of my sites, but lovely to have a step back from everything.
I feel, frankly, shattered.
I am sure this is not uncommon for anyone to have stages like this (plus I recognise I am a working mum of young twins who does not sleep most nights and has a chronic pain condition, but that’s by the by) so I am taking time to go down a gear. To kick back as much as I can and re-assess the mania I surround myself with.
In a previous life when things felt like this I would have hopped in the car to go and stay with mates or family, drink some vino, read books and sleep. Or, more likely, book a flight to Barcelona/Milan/Budapest and hang loose in some coffee bars and people watch until my brain cells return.
The difference is now that having my beautiful bubs means its so difficult to re-charge for any period of time which is why, like most friends of mine who are parents and work too, I am currently too shattered to have a social life, exercise, have some time with my partner and some time for me that isn’t washing up for the 50th time.
I love my life, don’t get me wrong – I adore my partner and children, I have my own business which I love, and I have an amazing balance of city and country so I can feed the ducks in the sticks one day and be working in my Covent Garden office another. I get to use my brain and also zoom around play barns and farms with the ninos. Amazing. The thing I still seem to struggle with is balance, a little, teeny thing I have always had problems with. When I am up I am really really up, life and soul,full of energy, creativity and ideas. When I expend all that energy I am on the floor awaiting to be scraped up, all the more so now my batteries are flatter than a Mac Book on it’s last legs (and I refuse to buy yet ANOTHER battery from a “Genius”. Side bar).
So, I am cruising in 2nd gear now and taking some time. Of course as soon as I decided this last Monday I kicked back and became unwell for 4 days with what I can only imagine were detox symptoms a month in on #projectendo which kinda ruined my plans there for zen-like hovering by rivers with mindfulness books. In fact it was more like an explosion in a pyjama factory sponsored by Home Under the Hammer, but there you go.
During this last week I had the pleasure of a session with Jo James of Amber Life who held a Skype session with me on NLP. What a woman. We first met around 6 or 7 years ago when I rescued her from a deathly dull Chamber of Commerce or similar networking evening to ply with wine and sing the praises of Sister Snog, a group we are now both part of. Jo also works in the b.hive, so I was so thrilled to remake her acquaintance recently and to catch up.
I have dabbled in NLP before so know the benefits of re-wiring the brain to behave differently, but after one hour with Jo I had learnt a raft of new tricks to keep myself in balance, and I felt sooooo relaaaaaaaxed. It’s amazing to think that we hold all the answers to our state of mind and if we can tap into that – wow, we have some power. This seemed like the perfect timing for me, almost as if I need to detox my schedule as well as my body and surroundings. I am a believer in the universe putting things there for you in the right time, and I want to make sure I am open enough to see these things as they turn up and not just be a product of my own self-made tornado of “busyness”.
So, on Friday I felt fab. Relaxed, detox illness passed, bit of brain space, chilled. I went to lunch with my brother in Cambridge, had some sibling time which I love, and mooched around the shops on my own ( far easier than with a pram full of bored toddlers mashing their Eat Naturals bars into John Lewis products I can tell you). I even went home and managed to do some work, making for a perfectly rounded Friday set for the weekend.
The weekend didn’t exactly go according to plan. I was knocked off my trusty steed Steve the Hardrock Specialized when out for a ride with Miles and the kids on Saturday. I was cycling on the pavement having had to make a u-turn to pick up Tigger (the loss of cuddly toys is massive in out world, Ethy the pink bunny went AWOL this week too. Traumatic ), when a guy reversed from his drive straight into me and I went flying into the road. Thankfully the girls didn’t see as Miles was towing them in the trailer, and moreover I am mindful it could have been a while lot worse. However, bruised, shocked and battered I returned home, after an SOS call to bro and sis in law to come and collect me.
So after a mixture of set backs and leaps forward last week I am at the top of a new week and am going to try and implement this “balance” thing more. This “relaxed” thing more too. #project endo is actually turning into #projectlifechange, and I am always open to this. Whenever serious changes have occurred before its always to move things forward beyond my wildest dreams. So, pesky setbacks I embrace you, and lets keep plodding on to see where this week will go. I have booked a massage for Thursday and am escaping to the sauna later to have a sweaty read of a book or two.
Until next time, gentle (bruised) hugs,