‘Ello ‘ello, blog reading lovelies.

I hope you are all well and having a good week – Spring is around the corner I think, roll on some days of sunshine and birds chirping.

So, update from me:

Raw Monday went well. As those of you who follow my tweets and this blog will know, I am on a journey, #projectendo in hashtag language, to deal with my long term endometriosis. I have cut out wheat and dairy from my diet (someting I did years ago but fell off the bandwagon) and am endeavouring to make my diet 60-70% raw so I get as many nutrients from unprocessed foods as possible.

This Raw Monday I had a smoothie for breakfast with bananas, apples, soya milk  and agave syrup. Lunch was ryvita ( not technically raw but hey, I need to get to grips with making my own raw crispbreads) and a pate I made from garlic, chick peas, tomatoes and coriander. I  experimented with the lovely Polly Noble’s kale crisps, which didn’t last long. I don’t have a dehydrator yet so got by with using the oven on the lowest heat with the door ajar.

By the afternoon I felt headachy and nauseous which I know from experience is a strong detox sign, so I added in a jacket potato for dinner with my  huge salad of chick peas, grated carrots with cucumber and  lemon juice/olive oil dressing to help slow the detox to be bearable.

I had lots of energy on Monday and felt really creative, energetic, calm and just, really, WELL. A nice feeling. I am sure I am on the right path when I get those moments or days of feeling so good.

I have kept as raw as possible since Monday too, as I want it to be part of my life and to become the norm. It will take a lot of work experimenting with recipes and food groups, but I can see benefits already. my skin is much, much clearer already and I haven’t worn foundation for the last few days as I have been looking ok without it. Also, my weight has begun to shift and I am creeping towards my goal inch by inch. ( and there are a few inches to go..)

I bought myself a soya cappuccino this week and struggled to drink it, the more I detox the stronger the effects of my usual vices; caffeine is something else I plan to greatly reduce, and this week I have been having 1 or 2 cups of coffee a day, a vast improvement from my 4-5 mugs, and frankly a miracle given the fact the twins have been teething this week and therefore awake most nights.

So, Monday – thumbs up. Nice one. Great, on the road.

Roll to Tuesday, I had been awake since 2am with the girls crying/teething during the night and my belly also decides to distend and become very painful. At 6 am I crawled back to bed with a codeine painkiller, the first in 10 days or so, and managed to get some sleep. I was shocked, however, at how pronounced the side effects of the codeine were; given I had built up quite a tolerance to it again recently before my laparoscopy and during recovery time, I can tell that my little detox so far has done a lot. I felt as though ants were crawling all over my skin and in my hair, and had uncontrollable itching and irritation. I have never had such a strong reaction to codeine, and it acted as a reminder that my body doesn’t like this stuff, and to stay away from it as much as possible.

Today has been, frankly, crap. I didn’t sleep much again last night but also have the inherent exhaustion that my condition brings. My belly is distended today so much that walking is uncomfortable, and I don’t have much energy to do anything. I struggled immensely today being at home with the ninos, and was relieved when at 3pm my aunt in law popped over to take them for a walk and I could crawl back to bed.

I feel frustrated. It so often seems that its  1 step  forward and 2 steps back. But, I suppose it still averages out at a step of improvement so I need to be mindful of small progress.

Having had so many good days  recently I can see how I became so uterly despondent last year whrn the ba times return. Being in pain in lonely. It confines you to a small world of isolation and it is so, so hard to remain upbeat when your body is sore and sick. I am really trying though. I so want to be fit, well and healthy again, and I am determined to find the way.

I fiind that I become angry about things I feel like I cannot change. For example, I am totally convinced by the benefits of acupuncture, yoga and massage therapy. I know they work for me, I know they help, but we simply cannot afford it. It seems to sad and so wrong that I should be considering a hysterectomy and all the issues it would bring with it when I KNOW there are therapies which help, but how on earth am I supposed to be able to pay for them?

I really don’t buy much, I havent bought new clothes in ages (and goodness knows I need them), I dont spend money on beauty treatments like I used to when I had a real job, and basically as a Mum of two running her own business, money is tight.

It angers me that these therapies aren’t available on the NHS, that we are handed drugs to manage pain quicker than exploring Eastern treatments. I would love to run away on a retreat, to detox, have colonics, massage, have time to adjust to a new diet, let my body cleanse itself and partake in yoga, acupuncture and meditation. Back in the real world this doesnt happen, although I do keep asking the universe for a way.

It is my hope that my journey will shine a light to others, so I need to find a way to bring the right mix of holistic medicine and raw foods into my life. If other people are to also find a way then I need to show them, and that is the tricky part at the moment. Food is one part of the equation, so I am trusting that as the raw magic works so will follow the ability to afford the extras.

So, universe, I know you read my blog and here is my wishlist:

- regular acupuncture once a month or more

- the money to be able to afford raw foods and the superfoods I need to better my diet

- a juicer to get the good stuff out of fruit and veg and to mainline the fresh juice

- a dehydrator, not essential immediately, but this is a wishlist after all

- regular massage therapy, once a month

For my part of the bargain I will continue to trust that I will recieve all I need.  I will try to stay positive and I will still try to stay happy with myself and my body even though I look like the Michelin man currently.

Until next time x